Mango Says Goodbye Sometimes

Among my favorite books is The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. I have a lot of identity issues, having immigrated to the US when I was seven and being ambiguously ethnic in appearance, having traversed the range of social classes, having moved at least 20 times in my lifetime...Being 20-something and American. Anyway, I think The House on Mango Street appeals to me because that little girls speaks to the same experience. So I get her, and even though she's not real, I feel like she gets me--or rather she would if she were a real person.

The last chapter in the book is called "Mango Says Goodbye Sometimes" and the little girl is coming of age and moving away from Mango Street to fulfill all her ambitions. And even though she hated being poor and Mexican in the ghettos of Chicago, she realizes that sometimes you have to go away to come back to help those who don't.

When I moved to Iowa, I thought about that a lot. Going away to come back. Vineland, New Jersey is not a place I ever really want to "come back" to. Sure, come see family and friends, come see the ocean, but not come back. And when I left Iowa, I told the people at my club, "I want this to be the place I am sent from." Not that I would "come back" to Ames and settle down, but that I would come back and check in and hang out. But it's not the same like Mango, where you come back to help those who can't (don't) leave.

And now, I'm 6 days from leaving the apartment on the sixth floor with the tilted steps and no running water 13 of 24 hours a day. And I'm thinking about Mango saying goodbye sometimes. I'm certainly not from here the way I am from Jersey or Iowa, but I think about my sad little students asking, "Why do foreign teachers always leave after one or two years?"

In all honesty, I probably will not come back to this job at this school in this city. Actually, if I can keep from it, I think I'd be a happier person (teaching English is not fun for me)... But those sad little faces that don't understand break my heart.

Mango says goodbye sometimes.

[I said goodbye to some good friends this morning. But I'll be seeing them stateside.]