Anger and Skepticism

One of the first Sundays we attended Mercy Hill, Phil Henry talked about how to relate to a non-Christian community.  I've been warned a thousand times not to treat non-Christians as projects or problems-to-be-solved...people don't really appreciated being treated as anything other than people.  That morning, Phil was reiterating the same warning, saying, "Everyone has something to teach you.  Don't assume that just because you're a Christian that you can't learn to be a better person from someone who's not."  It was a refreshing thought, attractive to me as we transitioned into this new church expression.

I've learned a lot about being a better person this week, stretched in ways I'm not normally stretched.  I've been covering classes for a co-worker on vacation this week.  The class is called, "Job Search and Placement Assistance" and it's designed for people who are on General Assistance through the NJ Board of Social Services.  (This means they are unemployed and receive food stamps and medicaid.)  The students in this class as seasoned veterans of "The System" used to being barked at, disappointed, denied, ignored, judged--rightly or wrongly.  They exhibit varying levels of educational achievement, scoring between a 2nd grade and 12th grade reading level on academic assessments.  Some didn't make it past the ninth grade.  Some served this country in foreign wars.  Others have been in and out of prison for aggression, resisting arrest, possession, theft, and more serious crimes.  It's a rough and tumble crowd for sure.

And then, there's little old me: age twenty-six, five-foot-four, in flats and a cardigan.  I'm supposed to teach them?

But there are some truths I've been reminded of this week and some I am discovering for the first time:

• Addressing someone by name makes all the difference in breaking down barriers against "the system."
• While K-12 teachers have implicit authority over their students, adult educators must get permission from their students to be an authority.  You have to be credible both as an expert and as someone capable of handling authority with grace and justice, and you have to give full disclosure of intent.
• Four hours is just way to long to make anyone sit and listen to someone else talk, no matter how old they are.
• If my students stonewall me, lash out at me, don't laugh at my jokes, or talk about me during break, it's not because they don't like me: it's because they have so much anger and so much skepticism that from the time class begins and the time class ends, I've become the target--not the reason--for that anger and skepticism.
• Although their anger and skepticism come from real events and relationships that caused real hurt, they will not succeed until they recognize that choosing to be angry and skeptical are greater barriers than the original hurts.

This last point is one I need to recite to myself often.  Five-foot-four me, though unassuming at first glance, is a hurricane-woman, and none of my students were expecting that.  While my fierceness allows me to establish myself as an authority in a classroom such as this one, there is for sure some anger and skepticism in other areas of my life that are a greater barrier than the original hurts.

As the week went by, I saw some of the students soften, realizing that I am not the right target for their anger, that I am trustworthy and genuine, credible.  And I must learn, from them, to soften also.